My Roma identity is not visible in the amount of welfare benefit I receive, the number of job applications that I have been refused, the times I have unnecessarily been stopped by policemen and asked to show my ID card, the number of times I've hit my wife in the face, nor is it evident that music, sensuality and the desire for freedom are in my blood. My Roma identity is about my language, my ancestors, my community, the town I come from. Even my non-Roma mates, the friends who live around me, and their children, the people I grew up with. And it's possible that all this is very different from the image that people have of Romas today.

Chaff and wheat. From now on, we must not mix anyone or anything. It is not true that all Romas are criminals. Neither is it true that all non-Romas are racists who detest Roma people.

There is no collective culpability, but there is collective responsibility. This I say primarily to those who want to put words referring to collective culpability into other people's mouths. Irrespective of whether these words are published in the daily paper Népszava or on the Internet, on Index. I say this as a Roma: not even Zsolt Bayer - who is considered the most rabid of right-wing journalists - says that all Romas are criminals. There are some, it seems, who would really like to hear this, so they can immediately come to our rescue. To rescue the Romas. No, not Hungarian society, but the Roma population.

Well, I don't want that kind of protection. They've been protecting us for the past twenty years, and look at the results: a few so-called liberal thinkers, aesthetes, project leaders and "intellectuals" have made a good living from the Roma issue. Also, several Roma "leaders", some of whom have not even completed primary school, have managed to convince majority politicians, who studied in reputable schools and consider themselves experienced and cunning, that they, the eternal Roma chairmen, are indispensable and cannot be left out, and they supplied the votes as agreed, and remained silent when that was required. And right they were to do so, for they are far from blameless and would do best not to criticize too severely those who are in power.

We need new thoughts. New sentences that are more determined, more honest and objective. Primarily, we need them to open up new dimensions, and enable us to talk about why things didn't work out concerning the Roma issue. Just so it's clear for everyone: the reason why neither the government, nor the opposition have Roma partners who are capable of negotiating, acting and opening new paths, is because the young, talented Romas do not have the opportunity to speak or act in public. They are not allowed to encourage people belonging to their communities to think for themselves. The main decision-makers are prevented from realizing just how serious the problem is. No one can broach the subject of whether the present Roma leaders are really suitable. The two largest parties cannot be called upon to account for why they don't deal with the Roma issue. It is impossible to ask what strategy the government (or anyone else) has for bringing Romas closer to the majority population. Instead, they hiss at you to keep quiet, and tell you to relax, something is bound to be done soon...

Perhaps I am not the only one to want something more concrete. I'd like it to be different from how it's been up to now. To quote a friend of mine: I don't know which way we should go. Not yet. But I do know which direction we shouldn't take.

From now on, the Roma issue, an important social issue, is everyone's responsibility. A government that sanctions discrimination (a lot more strictly than the present one!), but forces - with kind words or with fire and sword - those who do not comply with the norms to change, and considers Romas as part of society, could do the most for it. Romas could become brain surgeons, actors who are proud of their ethnic origins, models, policemen with a sense of commitment, teachers, entrepreneurs who can ensure jobs, engineers who work to build bridges and the metro, Olympic athletes, etc. They could become fathers and mothers and children who can decide for themselves what their Roma identity means to them.

And that is when the wheat will be separated from the chaff within the Roma community. We will see who actually does something to break down prejudice, and who simply confirms it.

The blacks managed to do it in America. Just a few months ago, the Americans elected a new president. We just have to somehow survive the next few years. In the next few months, I would like us to talk about why the Act on the Rights of National and Ethnic Minorities is bad. Whether there really is Roma criminality. What happens to those young Romas who get into university with the help of scholarships. Why Romas die 10-15 years earlier than Hungarians. Why a large percentage of Roma children are in orphanages. What a gypsy colony ("shanty village") means. What happens to the Roma people when they leave prison. How an electoral campaign takes place in a gypsy colony. How many Roma people there are in the country, and how many there will be in the future. The taboos that cause the Roma lifestyle and way of thinking to lag behind that of the non-Romas by some 15-20 years. Why it is primarily Romas who offer usurious loans, and Romas who accept them. Why certain Roma people are not present in the public awareness, although they could serve as good examples to others. Why some non-Romas have made a lot of money from the Roma programmes. Why there is no real Roma party, one that represents our interests. Why no one knows that certain celebrities, who are loved by the whole country, are Roma.

And for these dialogues to be succesful, they should not fall on deaf ears. For if we manage to get to know these issues and talk about them, then I'm sure that society will be able to understand many things. And if, parallel to this, the Roma communities themselves were willing to do something to distinguish between the wheat and the chaff, then I'm sure the majority in society would appreciate it.

But for this to happen, at least another hundred Romas must declare the following: we would like it if there were fewer Roma prostitutes by the roadside. And fewer murders committed by Romas, where the victims are old people. Fewer cases of teachers being beaten up, fewer drunken brawls in pubs (or rather none of the above). We wish there were fewer Roma usurers, and fewer loud Roma teenagers riding tram number 4-6, shouting and spitting sunflower-seeds all over the floor.

These requirements do not depend on the majority society, who are thought - by us - to be racist, but primarily on us, Romas. It's up to us to make sure that society has to face fewer cases like the ones mentioned. Of course, it also depends on decision-makers and legislative draftsmen who can do a lot to ensure that more effective measures are created. So that there is enough money for kindergartens, schools and for the elimination of gypsy colonies.

But there are certain things that these people cannot do instead of the Romas: they can't keep the dogs under control and prevent them from running about. They can't collect the rubbish. They can't force the children to go to school. They can't hide the welfare benefits and prevent them from being spent on one-arm-bandits in pubs. All these are our responsibilities.

Many people believe that prejudice is unhealthy. I think that because we are fallible humans, we are all prejudiced to some extent. And it really hurts when these prejudices prove to be valid. And the more often this happens, the easier and more natural it becomes for us to believe that Romas steal. That they pick quarrels and get into fights, that they kill people. They vote for tins of food. And their votes can decide who wins the elections.

Today, we have come to the point where these beliefs are deeply ingrained in almost all of us. Tomorrow we must prove that this is not necessarily true in every case.

There are hard-working people and idlers among the Romas, too. Wheat and chaff. It's up to us which heap we shall end up on. Each and every one of us.

The author is an expert on the European Roma and Travellers Forum